1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think people are normalizing furries
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
