Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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