i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my being single is dangerous.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
