Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
