It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
