i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
