i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
