you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
