he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
