highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
