I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
