so explain again why im purple
no
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
