i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
