he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
