I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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