Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I stole a fireplace last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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