Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
