Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
