You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
