So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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