We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
