When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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