oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
