Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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