so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
