There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
