We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
