I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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