mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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