Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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