i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
