I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
