I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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