MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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