what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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