I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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