:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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