i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
