The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
