i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
