Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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