I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We have started to decorate penises.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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