the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
