i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
