My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
