I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
