The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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