I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
