hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
