So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
