I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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