Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
