best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
