its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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