I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
