i need an iv and a liver transplant
Life is so much better after having sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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