I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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