I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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