At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
