6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
